weekend wonders

so this weekend i was not looking forward to being somewhat alone. well, they say if you want to make God laugh, make plans. I think God probably chuckled a little at me :) I love to plan. I wouldn't go as far as say I want to control everything but I do like order and having a general idea of what's going to happen. This is really hard to deal with--i mean REALLY hard. Because you know, life is life. it happens. It happens fast and it'll throw ya curve balls all the time. I personally hate those times when I'm in them but when I look back, it turns out that I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It turned out just the way I wanted it to or better than I had hoped. God has a really funny way of showing us His plan. His timing is perfect- another hard thing to comprehend when you're 20, in college, thinking you're all grown up and can do what ever you want whenever you want. The world makes us think that all the great things in life are instantaneous, but guess what? those things are crap. Those things are the things that fade away. All the money, riches, fortune, fame, popularity, clothes, appearance, etc- it all goes away as quick as it comes. God tells us to store our riches in heaven. I never really knew what that meant and I cant exactly say what I think it means now, but so far I think it means that we need to focus on the long term- like eternal life- not just the immediate. Focus on what can I do to glorify God, not what can God give me or do for me to make my day better. In the end its not the years that make the life but the life in the years. A good friend told me to live for today and live with no regrets. For me that means, don't worry about what tomorrow will bring, and make the decisions that you feel are right (not stupidly of course) but that you won't regret tomorrow. If you go down the wrong path, God will get you where you need to go. Just trust in Him.

goodnight loves.

its been a good weekend.

sweet love

Back to school. Back to the grind. Back to reality.

Being back at school has really been a roller coaster of emotions. On one hand, I am so so so happy to be back and reunited with all of my friends-or my school family. On the other hand, I was not ready to deal with life when I got back. And thats a problem seeing that being at school, where I'm preparing for my future career and plans, is ALL about life. Such a strange world we live in. I've been thinking a lot lately--shocker, I know--about my 20 years of life. What have they been filled with? What have I gotten out of them? Who have I served with them? The list could go on and on.

The answers to these questions have not been easy pills to swallow, nor have they been clear. I'm a sophomore in college and I don't really know what I want to do with my life, much less what God wants me to do with it. I know that ultimately He has a grand plan, but right now what am I supposed to do?

A verse popped into my mind tonight when I was at church with a friend. I read this verse last semester on a retreat and it had been in my mind for a while after. But as we all know, things happen, we get busy and things cloud our minds.

The verse is Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."

What does that even mean? I can never truly be still, my heart will always be beating (for as long as I live), my mind will be thinking, my ears will be hearing, all of these involuntary actions we do everyday. But no, to be STILL and KNOW that He is God is to stop. Stop planning. Stop worrying. Just be. Just sit and think about the God of the universe. He is in control. It is Him we are here to glorify and it is Him that we are here to worship and tell everyone about. So when life gets me down, when it becomes too much, I can remember this verse. I can remember Gods power, His love, His gentleness, as well as His purpose for me. Putting that into perspective will enable me to let everything go, and not just the things that I can't control, but the things I can. All of my life, I give to you Lord.

LIfe Lately

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.
C. S. Lewis

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
C. S. Lewis

So, over the past few weeks I've been on Christmas break and joyously been spending time at home. I absolutely love being home. There's something about this city, this house, these people, that make me feel safe, secure, and content. But the thing is, after a while, I get restless. I struggle with being TOO content, too secure, and too safe- and not in a godly way- in a selfish way. Every individual searches for adventure and I feel like college is my adventure. And don't take that the wrong way either. When i say adventure, I mean like my uncharted territory and a place for me to find myself through people and being on my own.

Well back to why I love these quotes, I found them tonight online and I just fell in love with this man's wisdom. C.S. Lewis is someone that we've all heard of and that literature admires. He is one of the only godly authors greatly recognized in the secular world. His works have multiple aspects to them. They have surface meaning and deeper meaning. These quotes are beautifully poetic. They capture the meaning of life as a whole. Life is more than just living. Its about WHO you are living for and WHAT you learn through that life. To answer who I'm living for- I'd say, God and others- I want to do my best for Him and serve others. What I've learned- hm that list is WAY too long. But I tend to learn not only from my mistakes and life experiences but from others as well. Life lessons are valuable ones.

Lately, I've really honed in on the phrase that God places people in your life at specific times for specific purposes. Its something thats hard to keep telling myself but its reassuring at the same time. His plan is greater than anything I could ever dream of.

Today's the Day.

Today, about 2000 years ago, Christ was born. His birth began an amazing story of redemption and love. God's son, sent down to save wretched sinners. We could not ask for a more perfect, loving, merciful Savior.

So today while unwrapping presents with your family and friends, remember the reason that we're here. We're saved by His blood. The precious blood of Jesus. We are placed on this earth to worship and glorify Him.

I praise the Lord for my wonderful family and friends. I am so incredibly blessed by them every day and I look forward to the days and years that God gives us together.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Challenged

its Christmas time! can you believe it? only 9 short days until the biggest holiday of the year. kids everywhere will be putting cookies out for Santa, lying sleepless til the wee hours in the morning so they can see just what Santa has brought them this year. They will all be begging and convincing their parents in the next few days that they have been the best boys and girls on earth this year, just so they can get that new toy. This is what we have become. Its not necessarily wrong, right, or in between. It just IS. We have become a world that overlooks deeper meaning. Its what's on the surface, the material things, that really matter nowadays and no one really cares what you believe in or who is underneath the facade we put on in every day life. I believe that this is sad. Its sad that we have friends that don't really care about us enough to know what's going on in our lives day to day. It is disappointing that when being considered for a college, job, or relationship that it doesn't matter the caliber of person you are or your character, only your "stats" or "status." This is not to say that every person out there feels this way. I know you are thinking "I CARE" but do you really?

I've been challenged recently to redefine the way I think about caring, about how I think a true friend should look, and the kind of person I want to be. I feel like God has called me to care. He has called me to invest in other people's lives and by barely scratching the surface in my friendships I have failed. God calls us to love, to be selfless, and to be servants. I can't say that I fulfill that calling everyday, but I want to. I wish the world would become a more hopeful place than a hopeless one.

One of my close friends reminded me of a verse I found at a retreat earlier this year. It was the theme actually. Psalm 37 says "Be still and Know that I am God." Despite the shortcomings of the world and the people in it, we have HOPE in the Lord. HE is our God.

I find rest in God alone

It has been an incredibly long time since I have had time to breathe, much less blog, so I sincerely apologize to all of the 2 people that might read this. :)

These past few weeks have been crazy busy and filled with insane amounts of stress. Its finals time. Enough said right?! Wrong. Its exams combined with life and life is a mess.

So, heres what I've been learning and struggling with since the last time I wrote. God calls us to love unconditionally. He calls us to forgive, to love, and to live. I haven't been fulfilling that calling as much as I'd like to. The thing that this world doesn't realize is that PEOPLE matter. It is the people that make the world a good place. Its the people that have an influence. Passion is something that is placed deep within you. I believe that God placed that passion within us for His purpose. I have a passion for people. What do I do with that? I've struggled with that for a while. What do I do to help others? What can I do? I'm just a girl. I'm just one person. What I have realized is that God empowers His people. He gives us the ability to do His work. And if my work is to impact the world through people then He will give me the resources and opportunities to do that.

I would not have made it through this week without my friends, but especially without God. I had tests that were impossible that I think I did well on because God knows the answers. Giving it over to God is one of the hardest parts of life, but its the most rewarding.

Love you all! Christmas is 14 days away!!! :))

Its funny how plans don't ever seem to quite work out. You know you wait all week for the perfect weekend and then something comes in and ruins it? well, I'm not saying that this particular weekend is like that but I've had a lot of those recently. So I got to thinking and realized the simplest thing when I was reading the Word. Gods plan prevail. not. mine. We get so caught up in our own day to day lives and don't just stop to recognize God's glory, His grace, Love, and presence in the intricacies of the world. He is almighty and all knowing and only He knows what is best for us. And here's the kicker: God says to obey Him. Not to complain and throw a hissy fit if He doesnt give us what we want. I've been the hissy-fit-throwing-2-year-old lately and I'm sure God's getting tired of it.

All of this to say, I'm letting go of my plans as hard as that is to say because I love being in control. But God knows best. He guides me and provides for me and He has never failed me :)