Redeem my broken soul

Hey God, It's me, Bellamy. I haven't always been who you want me to be. I haven't always been that light to the world. I've hidden it. I've stifled your love to others. I've judged & misunderstood. I haven't been humble or forgiving to loved ones much less strangers. Lord, forgive me, please, restore this broken soul. Put in me a new heart (Ezekiel 37:4). I've let you down in the past God, but I'm only human. Mistakes are my nature & failure is the only thing I'm good at succeeding. However, with YOU, God, Your spirit is in me & "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Phil. 4:13. I guess it took hitting bottom to look towards You, Lord. How silly is that? How childish to not admit the need of help? God, I admit it now. I need your help. Lord I love you. Thank you for calling me daughter, even though I fall constantly. AMEN.

This post, although it may seem too personal for a blog, I feel like it needs to be shown. I've struggled from January to the end of May at not being good enough. I thought that I wasn't good enough for others much less the Creator of the world. Those were some tough months. I wasn't nice or fun to be around. I put on a happy face but behind clothes doors I was a wreck- conflicted & confused. I tried to look for answers in all of the wrong places. I was mad at God for not giving me what I thought I "needed." That was so stupid of me. Only God knows what I need. In James, it says that God provides for the birds of the air, so how much more will He provide for His children?! and I doubted that. What?! I've never been that person & don't ask why I became that person last semester because honestly I couldn't begin to pinpoint it. I was sad, and why I don't know. All I do know is that I came home for the summer looking for something else. I thought it would be a disappointment & a drag, not because I don't love my family dearly, but because it wasn't what I thought I "needed" like I said earlier. I started comparing my life to others--- let me warn you here: that is NEVER good, no two people are the same & everyone's purpose is uniquely theirs.

So I spent the first few weeks of summer in a tailspin. I was enjoying it but at the same time wishing I was somewhere else. I talked to my best friend- my mom- who knows everything about me. After talking to her, everything changed. I started being content with life & where God had placed me. I learned to appreciate life & the little things just as I always had before that weird 6 month period. I got out of my rut & I don't ever want to go back to that dark place. This summer has been my "God" summer. I've discovered a deeper relationship & dependency on Him that I had started wandering away from. I'm back now, here to stay and I'm happy to say that I'm Bellamy again! :)) I would have never made it out of this past semester without my incredible family that I've already mentioned but most of all the people that I live with- my friends. God has placed all of these people in my life for their own reasons. I heard a quote the other day-- The best part of falling down is the people who help you up. So true. I am so thankful for this summer & how far I've come. Its truly been the best summer of my life.

BRING ON JUNIOR YEAR. I can do anything with Christ & I look forward to the adventure that this next year brings.