Today was my "little" brothers birthday. When i say little i'm referring to a 5' 9" 150lbs. boy who looks like a linebacker--actually he is one. He turned 14. 14?! I cannot believe how old he's gotten. its insane! Time goes by so quickly, even though each day seems long, and the hours seem longer. I'll be 20 in a few months. Are you kidding me?! I'm not a teenager anymore?! What happened to being 16? I never thought i'd get older. but now i'm in college, and i'm about to be half of 40. i actually teared up earlier today when that was brought to my attention, however embarrassed i am to admit. :)

On another note-

I've been wondering: Why am I always the bigger person? No matter if its in actual size or in theory of being more mature than another person. I'm always that person. I think it might be someone else's turn now. I guess it says something about my character that i'm always the bigger, more mature person. But at some point you just wanna say "Life's not fair!" and get a do over or something.

oh well. that's life and i guess i'll learn from it? :) Let go and let God.

this is the day that the LORD has made

Man, this week has been amazing. not because i was somewhere exotic or relaxing or even different. I was at home, living my normal, boring, life. and BAM God presented me with little presents that made me feel like I was in Heaven. It was just awesome how things fell into place when I thought there was no hope of it. He completely worked every little detail out. Its proof that what i'm doing this summer is His plan and He is using every moment of every day to show me my ultimate purpose. I'm loving every minute of it.

My life will never be perfect- lets face it-perfect is BORING. but my life will always be orchestrated, God will always make every bad thing turn into something wonderful for His purpose.

That is my purpose--to further His kingdom. So, i'll do whatever I can to fulfill that purpose, not that I wont mess up because I do mess up. everyday.

Thank the Lord for everything He's blessed me with this week, year, and lifetime. I'm looking forward to seeing what He has in store for this next year.

God has a plan. and He shows it!

today started out rough.

first of all, i didnt go to bed until 3:30am because i just couldnt sleep. i have no idea why i couldnt, but it was so frustrating.

second, i had a sociology test. its not a hard class, but the teacher is not the best. oh well i made an A on it so i'm not complaining. it was just a regular day full of annoyances.

oh and there was a realllyyyy long line at McDonalds when i went to get my much need diet coke fix.

while waiting an hour for my next class to start, i decided to check my email. man, who knew such a simple task could make your day get so much better?

i found out that i got selected to do something with school that i had interviewed for this spring. i am so excited!

well, then i had speech class, worked out, and got home. it was pretty much a normal day, but for me it was SO much more than that.

God has completely shown me His plan for my life, if only for just the next two semesters. I love when i get those glimpses of Him and what He wants my life to be. It makes me go into overdrive and strive for the best for Him. i feel invincible (thats not necessarily good i dont guess ha) but like God is putting together the pieces of my life.

He has blessed me with an amazing school filled with wonderful people, the best friends i could ever ask for, and best of all a magnificent family.

Its days like these that make me eternally grateful for how blessed I am. Praise God for this is the day that the Lord has made! i hope you all had a day like mine, and if you didnt, yours is coming soon :)

man oh man. only about a month until i move back into school. i cannot believe how fast the time flies by! i have had an amazing summer even though i've just stayed home most of the time. i've reconnected with old friends and had some great times, made some great dorm room decorations, taken two summer classes and met some very colorful people, volunteered at childrens hospital (which is the best part of my summer i'd say), road tripped to chattanooga with my mom to see a college buddy, gone to columbia TN to see another one, and i went to lake chickamaugua in TN for the 4th with some amazing belmont friends! this summer has been awesome but i cannot wait until fall! i feel like God has alot of great stuff in store and im anxious to see it unfold.

July 8

Today is my hero's birthday. The woman that shaped who i am today. The woman who taught me everything i know about God, patience, love, and loyalty. She was my best friend, my mentor, and my confidant. I could tell her anything and knew that it was safe in her vault. She was my rock and my comforter. A coke float maker, baker, and cook extraordinaire. In my entire life, I have never met anyone as sweet, kind, gentle, soft spoke, feisty, or godly. Kathryn Crump was not only my grandmother but a friend, like none other. I miss her with every fiber of my being. The hole that was left in my heart is too big for words. YET, i know whose company she keeps and whose arms she is held in. I know that she is singing and dancing for Jesus unlike we ever witnessed her doing on Earth in her shy manner. I know that she is with Papaw and Aunt Hazel, her momma, daddy, sister, and brothers. She is happier than she ever was on Earth, and there is no more pain or tears for her. This does not keep me from missing her and Papaw, though. They will always be with me. They watch over me every day. Sometimes i talk to them--not like a crazy person, but just like a prayer. I tell them what is going on in my life, it helps me feel connected. Although i weep inside i know that it does me no good to mourn anymore. One day soon i will be reunited with them, but until then i will see them in every day of my life. I thank God every day for blessing me with them for even the short time i had with them.

realizations...

the past two weeks have been long but they've flown by. is that redundant? anyone know what i'm talking about? it seems like august will never get here and while i hope it comes quickly, i hope it doesnt at the same time. i like being home with my family but i need my friends and my college home. i miss who i am when i'm with them. i fit there.

God has been doing a lot in my life here though. He's shown me who my real friends are and who I can count on. He has given me glimpses of my loved ones who are no longer with me on this earth, but who are praising him for eternity. I love those moments when i know that they are watching me. I wish so much that i could share my life with them and all of the things that have happened since they've been gone, but i know that somehow they know.

This is the first time in my life that I have been content. Yeah, i still have my wants and my desires for a change now and then, but for the most part (about 85% of the time) I am completely content with just living out each day and seeing what happens. I dont feel like i need a plan anymore. I know that God is going to put the pieces together and since He created the pieces, who better to lay them in place? If i heed His word and "do not worry about anything" then i'll be alright.

I havent listened to Him all summer though. In the beginning i was restless and needy. I was like the kid in the candy store that wont leave their mom alone about getting the candy bar that the mom wont let them have. I was tugging on His pants and hanging onto his legs kicking and screaming for Him to change His mind about how my summer--my life--would turn out.

Little did I know, in my human mind, that this was the way that was best. any other way and i wouldnt be the same woman i am today. i wouldnt find joy in seeing a clear sky or a bird chirping. God has truly worked in my life in the best way possible and though i didnt want it, He knew what He was doing.

I havent felt as close to God this summer as I was while i was in Nashville. and i cant put my finger on it. maybe its because of my struggles or because my friends are scattered throughout the nation. i dont really know. i all i know is that i miss feeling His presence like I did there. I think it has to do with the transition of being on my own to being home. At home i feel like all i need is my family because i'm technically not on my own any more, but really i need Him the same amount or more.

Well thats about all i've got for tonight. I'm tired and I'm going to the gym early in the morning. trying to lose weight before i go to the lake :) I cant believe that summer is halfway over. hello sophomore year!

long long time ago

so i started this blog a while back. actually it was almost a whole year ago! wow i cannot believe that my freshman year of college has ended and my sophomore year is about to start. What God has accomplished in my life has been such a blessing. He has placed some amazing people into my life through college and I am so grateful for each and every one of them. I met some of my best friends this year and God has shown me that through knowing Him and talking about Him to people, you grow in your relationships. College was quite a transition in my life but it was so glorious. I had an absolutely fabulous year in every aspect. Yes, there were some hard times but the good times greatly outweighed them.

Now I'm back. It is bittersweet. I am so thankful to home with my family for the summer. There's still two months left of summer. It seems like summer will never last some days and others like it will last forever.

I cant wait to see what God shows me this summer :)