All things

I came into college not long after my favorite woman on Earth went to meet her Father in Heaven. I came to college not knowing who I was but hating who I'd been & how I had let people treat me. I was ready to get out of high school, ready to leave it all behind, ready for a new chapter. When my grandfather first got sick my 8th grade year, mine & my grandparent's anchoring verse was:

 Romans 8:28

"For all things work together for the good of those who love Him."

That's what I had to hold onto- God's promise that it would work out, for His Glory, not mine. Well it did, and it didn't go as I would have planned it. I lost my grandfather that year. And I lost my grandmother not long after. But I continued to cling to that verse, because although I had not gotten my way, it was a promise that in every circumstance there is an ULTIMATE purpose. 

Oh how the wisdom in my little 17 year old self. I had been through the worst right? Wrong. College was around the corner, and over the years it has proven to be the best & the worst years of my life. There has been so much joy, love, happiness, blessing, and fellowship in my 4 years here. But, there has been heartbreak, doubt, uncertainty, and disappointments as well. Somewhere along the way I guess I lost sight of that anchor. I lost sight of the fact that no matter what I am going through or who has hurt me or what test I failed, I have a father that already had that in the plan. WHAT?! He knew I was going to mess up? Yes. He loved me anyway? Yes. In fact, He tells us to go to Him when we mess up. 

Lately, I've doubted a lot and been even more disappointed. I'm a generally happy person. But it being my last year with the people who make me "me" and the place I call home, has really put a damper on my spirit. I don't know where I'm going yet. I'm not achieving my "Mrs." degree. I'm not going on to get the dream job. I'm not traveling overseas to feed hungry orphan children (even though if I was real with you, that would be exactly where I'd want to be!). And I'm not staying here. I'm a nomad, a leaf (as my roommate would call it). I'm floating in the wind and each branch I hit on the way down, I feel a little more let down when it turns out to just be a stop along the way. I don't know when I'll finally hit my destination, but I'll be holding onto the promise of Romans 8:28 until then. It probably won't be soon, but that's ok! 

I look forward to the changes to come, and I can't wait to see the Lord's plan unfold. 

Here's to being a leaf.