It's that time of year again. The time where the college becomes quieter as everyone returns to their own corners of the world for a few months to "recuperate" or "rejuvenate" from the past 9 months of academic torture. For some the summer months are boring, stagnant, and rudimentary; these individuals are the ones longing for a fast forward from May to August. Others of us are very much anticipating the break from chaos, or should I say, a different kind of chaos. Because, let's be honest, summer can be quite chaotic in its one way. Its a beautiful storm, I suppose, more enjoyable because it's pretty & warm outside, yet full of summer job responsibilities or for us overachievers- the all too wonderful summer classes.
As I sit here in bed, I look around at my room. Empty boxes are piled against the walls making my 8' X 10' room feel even more claustrophobic and tight. Sorting through my things takes me back to movies, concerts, tests, triumphs and heartaches of the months past. In a sense, I feel sad. Like the ending of a great book who's sequel has yet to be made. "What happens next?" is constantly playing in my mind. This tiny little apartment has been my temporary home for the past 9 months and while I might complain about its quirks, those are also what I've grown so fond of.
Packing up my life every year is starting to get old. At first it was the excitement of coming to college. Then the excitement of my first college summer. Now what? I'm a junior and all of these things are routine, blase. Yet no matter how routine or unordinary they are, I always seem to get extremely emotional during move out week. It's like my thing. My roommate always says, "You're getting weird, aren't you?" Because she knows that I dread the long distance relationships that summer brings with them. She knows my heart and how much I long to stay in the city I call home and remain with the friends that are more than friends- they're family. But, like every good thing, it must come to an end. Too much of any good thing becomes bad. That's seen all around us. I think that they created these "summer" breaks in order that we could get a change in scenery, almost like a reset button. They know that as students our brains need breaks, but as people our bodies need breaks. We need to rest from the constant companionship and being with friends. We need alone time and time to grow independently of what others around us impose upon us. This is a hard pill to swallow for some and for others it's a welcomed reprieve.
This semester I seem to be identifying with the latter. I usually am one of the few that could (and would) stick it out to the bitter end and fight to stay with my friends, at my school, and in my city for as long as possible. However, this time, I need some me time. I need some God time. I need a break. Not a break from the school part (although that's nice too), but I need a break from the demands of the world. Some might say you can never escape the worlds demands but I believe that you can by simply creating a new world to live up to. "If you live putting the Lord first, then all the rest will fall into place."
Junior year is coming to an end & I'm so overjoyed by that fact. I am ready to see what this summer and my senior year will hold. I think I'm finally to the point of jumping and hoping someone is at the bottom to catch me-- I think they call that faith. Faith. Something I thought I wasn't short of until this year. But I've realized my lack of gumption due to lack of faith that in the end it will be ok. I think that lack of faith came about from fear of rejection from others--shocker i know, that someone out there is afraid of rejection (sarcasm people). It's true though, I am deathly afraid that someone will disagree with what I want. Problem with that is, in doing so, I am listening to the people that don't matter. True friends encourage you to be you.
So, I am not saying that as I write this I am not having a mini breakdown because I'm leaving my friends for a while and wondering what I'm going to do with my life. No. I AM. But, what I am saying, is that I am sure this time that it is going to be ok. That my trip to Costa Rica, will be ok. My summer research will be ok. And most of all, that I will be ok. It's something I haven't embraced yet, but I'm working on it. I think by June it will have set in :) so if you're reading this and freaking out because something is over or ending, don't worry about being a mess-- take time to be a mess-- but when you're done, know that you are ok. And whatever happens is meant to be.
Romans 8:28 "For all things work together for the good of those who love Him"
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