"...and the living is easy"

It's that time of year again. The time where the college becomes quieter as everyone returns to their own corners of the world for a few months to "recuperate" or "rejuvenate" from the past 9 months of academic torture. For some the summer months are boring, stagnant, and rudimentary; these individuals are the ones longing for a fast forward from May to August. Others of us are very much anticipating the break from chaos, or should I say, a different kind of chaos. Because, let's be honest, summer can be quite chaotic in its one way. Its a beautiful storm, I suppose, more enjoyable because it's pretty & warm outside, yet full of summer job responsibilities or for us overachievers- the all too wonderful summer classes. 


As I sit here in bed, I look around at my room. Empty boxes are piled against the walls making my 8' X 10' room feel even more claustrophobic and tight. Sorting through my things takes me back to movies, concerts, tests, triumphs and heartaches of the months past. In a sense, I feel sad. Like the ending of a great book who's sequel has yet to be made. "What happens next?" is constantly playing in my mind. This tiny little apartment has been my temporary home for the past 9 months and while I might complain about its quirks, those are also what I've grown so fond of. 


Packing up my life every year is starting to get old. At first it was the excitement of coming to college. Then the excitement of my first college summer. Now what? I'm a junior and all of these things are routine, blase. Yet no matter how routine or unordinary they are, I always seem to get extremely emotional during move out week. It's like my thing. My roommate always says, "You're getting weird, aren't you?" Because she knows that I dread the long distance relationships that summer brings with them. She knows my heart and how much I long to stay in the city I call home and remain with the friends that are more than friends- they're family. But, like every good thing, it must come to an end. Too much of any good thing becomes bad. That's seen all around us. I think that they created these "summer" breaks in order that we could get a change in scenery, almost like a reset button. They know that as students our brains need breaks, but as people our bodies need breaks. We need to rest from the constant companionship and being with friends. We need alone time and time to grow independently of what others around us impose upon us. This is a hard pill to swallow for some and for others it's a welcomed reprieve. 


This semester I seem to be identifying with the latter. I usually am one of the few that could (and would) stick it out to the bitter end and fight to stay with my friends, at my school, and in my city for as long as possible. However, this time, I need some me time. I need some God time. I need a break. Not a break from the school part (although that's nice too), but I need a break from the demands of the world. Some might say you can never escape the worlds demands but I believe that you can by simply creating a new world to live up to. "If you live putting the Lord first, then all the rest will fall into place." 


Junior year is coming to an end & I'm so overjoyed by that fact. I am ready to see what this summer and my senior year will hold. I think I'm finally to the point of jumping and hoping someone is at the bottom to catch me-- I think they call that faith. Faith. Something I thought I wasn't short of until this year. But I've realized my lack of gumption due to lack of faith that in the end it will be ok. I think that lack of faith came about from fear of rejection from others--shocker i know, that someone out there is afraid of rejection (sarcasm people). It's true though, I am deathly afraid that someone will disagree with what I want. Problem with that is, in doing so, I am listening to the people that don't matter. True friends encourage you to be you.


So, I am not saying that as I write this I am not having a mini breakdown because I'm leaving my friends for a while and wondering what I'm going to do with my life. No. I AM. But, what I am saying, is that I am sure this time that it is going to be ok. That my trip to Costa Rica, will be ok. My summer research will be ok. And most of all, that I will be ok. It's something I haven't embraced yet, but I'm working on it. I think by June it will have set in :) so if you're reading this and freaking out because something is over or ending, don't worry about being a mess-- take time to be a mess-- but when you're done, know that you are ok. And whatever happens is meant to be. 


Romans 8:28 "For all things work together for the good of those who love Him"

"Chewing"

I haven't posted in a really long while. I feel like this is the lame way that I always start my posts, apologizing to invisible readers for my lack of appearance in their world. I don't know why I'm apologizing, but it seems suiting.

I won't even begin to try to sum up the past month in words. It was by far the busiest roller-coaster that life has thrown me thus far. And man am I glad that I'm on the down hill slope to get off this ride. If this semester lasted any longer, I don't know if I would have made it. I've never been so incredibly stressed, overwhelmed, overworked, under appreciated, or felt so lonely. Talk about sad- those adjectives are just depressing! My intentions for you all, in my writing this, is not to discourage you or to evoke a pity party. But, to merely explain how extremely strung out this semester has been for me.

I would love to say that I got through it on my own, wouldn't that be a fantastic ending to the sad story? I overcame it all by myself? I'm a big girl now? NOPE. It took a lot of people's pushing and pulling in order for me to be standing where I am today. And the biggest pusher of them all was God.

God placed me in exactly the right spot for this season of my life. He knew what he was doing, but doesn't He always? The constant message He was whispering into my ear on the uphill climb was "don't listen to the one's who say you can't do it. Listen to the ones who think you can. I've got you."

It changed my perspective on some things. I no longer felt like I had to go life alone, with my own problems in my own little box in the corner not allowed to bother other people. Yeah, that's unhealthy. And the people that tell you that's the way you should deal with things? Well, their crazy & you should not be friends with them. Seriously, they aren't right. In order to get through something, you have to work through it. You have to constantly battle with it & wrestle with the problem or issue. "Chew on it," if you will. It is this process of "chewing" that we discover what we want to make of the problem/thing in the end.

This process of chewing requires a few things, of which a big one is trust and the other is good company. The importance of surrounding myself with good people was especially emphasized this semester. Survival would not have been possible without the right encouragement, shoulders to cry on, and hands to hold. I am eternally grateful. Along with these things, I learned that some things are not as big of deals as they should be or as they appear on the surface. Only spend your time and precious energy focusing on the big deals and the big things. They are what you will remember in 50 years.