"my momma told me there'd be days like this"

I've been here for what, 2 weeks, now? Crazy, right, how time flies and days fade away? Seems like yesterday I was moving in for Freshman year. And look at me now, a Junior! A lot has changed since then, not only in my classification, but in my mind, my heart, my soul. I mean, really, have you ever thought about what it would be like to have your soul change? How cool it would be to look back after a time & see exactly in what areas you had changed into the person you are now? Not only that but the exact events could be pin pointed? Well this is how I'm feeling in week 2 at school.

I'm homesick. I find myself calling this "home" when it is not my home. Home as my precious roommate said earlier today "is where momma is, and my momma ain't here." Well, I want my momma. I know that I have to grow & (insert cliche) "spread my wings", but i miss the comforts of home.

As a Christian though, I do believe that, yes, home is where your mom is, but its also wherever you are with the Father. And the beautiful thing about that is that God is with us wherever we go. He lives in our hearts, in our minds, and yes, in our souls. See, this is the soul change that I mentioned earlier. I've come to realize and to remember that the Lord lives in me. Everyday when I wake up, He's here. When I go to sleep, He's here. I'm never alone. I'm never alone. You are never alone. I have so many people (including myself) in my life who are fighting battles. These battles, they'll get ya. They eat at you & destroy you from the inside out, but if you remember that God's with you, fighting with you & for you the entire way, then you have a chance of winning.

This year, although it is going to be hard at the beginning, will be the best yet. And this is why: because "although my heart and my flesh may fail God is my strength and my portion forever." God is good and He is all I need. He provides and my joy is found in Him alone.

newness [Ezekiel 37:4]

tomorrow.

wow. it all ends/begins, tomorrow. this summer comes to an abrupt halt as I move in to my new apartment and get prepared for a new year, Junior year to be exact. This will be the start of my third year in college. Thinking back three years ago today, i was a nervous wreck, scared, anxious, and sad to be leaving home. Now, I would love to tell you that it's easier and that I'm just ready to get out, but if I did, I would be lying through my teeth. My family is a really deep part of me; its more than a stable unit with a warm meal on weekends. They are my rock, refuge, and best of friends. My family is my "safe place," a "haven" when all else around me is unstable, and this summer I have thoroughly enjoyed the safety of home.

I am very excited to get back to school, to see what the Lord has in store for me, and to get back to my school "family" that has its own very special place in my heart. There are no better friends than those that I've met in these past 2 years of college. It feels as if we've known each other a lifetime & that kind of friendship is a rarity. God has blessed me so much with these people who not only share my love for our school, hobbies, and spending time together but more importantly we all share a deep love of the Father, which makes our bond exponentially stronger. I cannot describe in words just the impact that they have had on my life and the impact I see them having in the future. Without them, I would, in no way, be the same person that I am today.

So tonight, I reminisce on the fun, relaxing, and carefree summer that I am leaving behind, but I also anticipate the joys and blessings of the coming year. As I have written in the past and eluded to previously, I did not live out the Christian life of dependancy on God last semester as I should have. This not only directly effected my life, but more importantly affected my influence on those around me. For that I will always be incredibly sorry and repentant, knowing that God did things despite my attitude but things would have been easier if only I had obeyed. No regrets though, only learning and growing. God used this "desert road" experience in my life to develop my increased dependence on Him & obedience to His commands. One of my favorite verses and themes of this past summer has been Ezekiel 37:4, where the Lord says that He will replace in you a NEW heart & you become a NEW person in CHRIST. As one of my best friends told me when she was telling me of her summer at sbp, she said "Did you know that when we accept Christ, God sees Christ's perfection instead of our sin? I've never realized that before! HOW COOL?!" Thank the Lord for His mercies every day! Let the glory & praise come to Him this year.

want v. need

There is this constant battle in each of our lives against what we want and what we need. Our hearts are torn between the two & often have them extremely confused.

A little back story on this- I leave for Junior year of college in 12 days- its something I am both anticipating but resenting it at the same time. And all of these thoughts are driving my mind to think of many other battles of my mind.

What I want: love, appreciation, success, forgiveness, encouragement, reinforcement, affirmation, good relationships, Jesus.

(pretty much in this order...this list could go on for days I'm sure, simply because I am human & humans are selfish in nature.)

What I need: Jesus.

I mean isn't that the truth, though? Everything that we want can be achieved if only we accept & go after what we need first. This would be why mom always tells you to eat your dinner before you eat dessert. By having dessert first, we neglect to give our bodies the proper nutrients, although it is really what we think we want.