sweet love

I'm not a big hopeless romantic, although I do love me some rom-coms. I usually don't enjoy love songs but this one is definitely worth checking out. so good.

god, take this canopy away from me,
i need to reacquaint the sky,
we’ve done our best and so i’m leaving,
‘cause it’s my life, it’s my life.

i know it’s hard enough to figure out
what’s right and what’s a waist of time,
just like how easy it can be to hold on to a lie.

i know everything is going to work out fine,
i’ve been waiting for this day all this time,
you’ve done everything that you could do,
but floating is just a waist of my foolish pride.

i’ll miss you hard enough to hide it,
i need you hard enough to try,
i love you hard enough to move on.

believe me when i say i need this,
i’m sick and tired of this place,
believe me when you see the likes of it,
or just the look on my face.

i know everything is going to work out fine,
i’ve been waiting for this day all this time,
you’ve done everything that you could do,
but floating is just a waist of my foolish pride.

i’ll miss you hard enough to hide it,
i need you hard enough to try,
i love you hard enough to move on.

i’ll miss you hard enough to hide it,
i need you hard enough to try,
i love you hard enough to move on.

i’ll miss you hard enough to hide it,
i need you hard enough to try,
i love you hard enough to move on.

i need you hard enough to try
i need you hard enough to try
i need you hard enough to try..

by Gregory Douglass

bucket list (well sort of)

so lately i've been learning some things that i want in life

1. i love where i'm at in life.

2. i love what i'm studying & i what i want to be.

3. i know that my purpose is to work with kids. Their joy is infectious.

4. i hope that one day i have the wonderful opportunity to adopt a child. its been laid on my heart lately.

5. i want to travel the world. the whole thing. i want it all.

6. i need to surround myself with people who encourage and support these dreams. anyone else isn't worth it.

God's been showing me these things recently and i look forward to this journey.

Plan B.

My church at school is doing this series about fall back plans- you know the ones. They're the plans that you don't plan on, the schools you didn't want to go to but didn't get into your top choice. The car you don't love, but it's the only one you could afford. The homecoming date that isn't exactly the handsome perfect prince charming you envisioned, but he's alright, you guess. These are Plan B's. Hey, some are even Plan F's. We're all human, which means we like to be in control of things. We like to plan, organize, and know exactly what to do next and where we're headed. In today's world, not only are their planners and organizers but there are programs that can plan years ahead as far as money, meals, you name it! It's amazing technology, but it's awful for a person's ego. Plan B. No one ever wants to settle and that's exactly what that phrase brings to mind. Yet, God's plan is often OUR plan B. That's just it though its OUR plan B- GOD's Plan A. We love to plan our lives to a "T" but God doesn't like that. He wants us to trust in Him, to let Him have control, and for us to just watch him work in us.

Here's my Plan B story that I didn't even realize was happening: summer. You see, I had big plans for this summer. I wanted to do research this summer, and I really didn't want to be in Birmingham. See, I wanted an adventure. I wanted to write my story and I wanted it to be a big one. Well, I started this process over Christmas break. I was planning and planning, applying to programs, talking to professors about recommendations, etc. It was draining but exciting to find new opportunities to apply to. I applied to about 6 programs in 2 states, as well as applying to on-campus leadership opportunities. ( I was determined to be a busy bee and to be the best!) It was around February when I got a response from the program that I wanted the most. It was an outstanding opportunity, focusing on the exact areas of study that I'm interested in. I didn't get the spot. "Well, it was a long shot" I thought, hundreds of applicants, with most being in med school already, you aren't the most qualified. I was upset, but not very there were still options. By March, I had heard from 4 of the other programs. All No's. So this was discouraging. I had been turned down by 5 programs and in the meantime I hadn't gotten the on-campus position that I had wanted so much. Now I was upset- what's the plan here? I thought I was supposed to be a doctor? I thought I was supposed to be a leader. Now what?

Plan B kicked in about a week ago. I was down about not getting those positions the entire semester, however selfish and wrong it might be. Getting a little too deep here, but I felt like somehow this meant that I wasn't good enough. I felt inadequate and questioned my purpose. Seems silly I know, but it happened. My best friend was awesome all semester. She kept me encouraged and in check. She didn't coddle me and always gave it to me how it was. I wouldn't have made it out of that time had she not. I needed to know that it wasn't me, it was my goals. They were high and just because I didn't reach them doesn't mean I'm not good enough it means I need to try harder for more attainable dreams first then aim high. I didn't know until I got home that Plan B was in place. I'm in Birmingham this summer for a reason. I'm volunteering this summer to impact lives in some way. The summer classes I'm taking, yeah they have a purpose too. The time I'm spending with my family, and the friends that are home is precious time that I will savor in the years to come. You see, Plan B is 9 times out of 10 better than Plan A.

My hopes, dreams, and goals will come true one day. One day when I've finished all of the seemingly small things I will accomplish my large goals. I will impact the world whether its by serving over seas or by being friends with random people in Alabama. God has a plan and its perfect no matter if we think it is or not. My ultimate dream is to go to Africa and do medical missions with my family. But guess what I have to do to get there, and if i don't I'll never make it? I have to go to school, work hard, and fulfill God's purpose for my life here and now. I know that if I went to Africa today I wouldn't come back.

Love people. Be kind to whoever you meet because you never know if your smile will be the bright spot in someone's day. Don't be afraid to love with your whole heart. Trust God. Enjoy life. Happy summer yall!

95 days of summer

Today one door shut (temporarily) while another unknown one opened.

Today, I moved out of my dorm, packed up my car, and headed home. I closed a 9 month long chapter of my life. A BIG chapter of my life. Sophomore year of college! I'm now a JUNIOR. This cannot be real. I cannot be leaving again, going home to the uncertainty of summer, away from my friends who have been my family now for 2 years. We've been through so much together these last 9 months. What am I going to do without them? -- All of this zoomed through my mind 100 miles/min all day long, non-stop. Let me be the first to tell you that this is not fun to be thinking about for the majority of 12 hours.

On my drive home, I recapped my 2 years of school so far and how its shaped who I am today. Lately, I'd been questioning who I am, what I'm here to do, and where to go next. In reminiscing on this year, I realized that who I am today is who I am. I can't be anything that I'm not. Its my actions today that define me, not what I "think" I would do or say. As far as my purpose, a good friend told me that to impact the world, you don't have to go to a 3rd world country and save all the dying children or come up with the cure for cancer. She said (wisely I might add) that what you do everyday impacts someone in some way, even if its seemingly insignificant.

That being said, this is what I will be focusing my 95 days of summer on. I will be home, working on who I am, what I believe, and growing in my relationship with Christ (because if I'm brutally honest with myself, that one has fallen by the wayside for far too long).

Sophomore year taught me a lot. It was a growing year for me, definitely. I found out things about myself that I didn't think were possible. I discovered incredible friendships with unsuspecting people. I became rooted in the fact that people are what I live for. Not for things, social status, or popularity. I want to invest my time in people- in friendships. One thing that stands out from this semester alone is that it is OK to be alone. It's ok to feel alone. It's ok to be insecure. Everyone feels this way. But because everyone feels this way, we are not alone.

I would not have survived this year without my incredible Father, my amazing friends, and my family. My life is so full of blessings that I tend to over look.

Marvelous Monday

lately, i've not been myself. I've been moody, self centered, and basically a crappy friend. I don't even know why, which is by far the most frustrating part of this whole ordeal. This weekend brought some perspective that I'm extremely grateful for. I realized why I wasn't content in where I am in life now is because without me knowing, I've changed into a new person. I'm still Bellamy. I'm still the same person as far as values and beliefs. BUT I'm older, wiser, more mature. I've seen more. I've lived more. I've grown. This growth is what life is all about, but in growing, I failed to renew myself. I grew as a person, but then wanted to be my old self instead of my new self (If that makes ANY sense- i'm really not sure how to explain all this). When it comes down to it, I've learned that as a person I take a lot of beatings from other people. I let people walk on me way too much. I give and give and give and yet get very little if anything in return. I like to say that I'm content in being who I am, but when it comes to living it lets be real - thats hard. So here's what i'm working on now- being me and not worrying about others so much.

Here's a song i found today that i really like, songs like this make me smile and forget about the worries of the world. Because lets be honest, the worries of the world are just too much to handle sometimes. Here's to letting go a little today and enjoying the moment; enjoy the people around you and BE YOURSELF.

Always remember, you're beautiful just the way you are.

"Yesterday wasnt easy

made a wish by the bay

and the tide took it hard away

Lift your head up, really hear me

When the water is rising and

you cant close your eyes and pray

(chorus)

Trust in me, to make it better

and carry you through to the end

Well get free from stormy weather

Yeah, count on me, i'll be your friend

Suddenly it gets clearer

with my hands on the wheel

with the turn that you feel around

Better days are drawn nearer

and theres no way, no how, and nobody

to stop us now

(chorus)

Trust in me, to make it better

and carry you through to the end

Well get free from stormy weather

Yeah, count on me, i'll be your friend

You can count on me, i'll be your friend

(doo doo doo doo doo...

doo doo doo....)

Darling you can count on me

(hey hey hey hey. doo doo doo..)

I'll be there whenever you need

(hey hey hey hey)

Wherever you are,

i'm not very far

I'll be by your side,

to make it alright

(chorus X2)

Trust in me, to make it better

and carry you through to the end

Well get free from stormy weather

Yeah, count on me, i'll be your friend"

- Count on Me- Lucy Schwartz