weekend wonders

so this weekend i was not looking forward to being somewhat alone. well, they say if you want to make God laugh, make plans. I think God probably chuckled a little at me :) I love to plan. I wouldn't go as far as say I want to control everything but I do like order and having a general idea of what's going to happen. This is really hard to deal with--i mean REALLY hard. Because you know, life is life. it happens. It happens fast and it'll throw ya curve balls all the time. I personally hate those times when I'm in them but when I look back, it turns out that I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It turned out just the way I wanted it to or better than I had hoped. God has a really funny way of showing us His plan. His timing is perfect- another hard thing to comprehend when you're 20, in college, thinking you're all grown up and can do what ever you want whenever you want. The world makes us think that all the great things in life are instantaneous, but guess what? those things are crap. Those things are the things that fade away. All the money, riches, fortune, fame, popularity, clothes, appearance, etc- it all goes away as quick as it comes. God tells us to store our riches in heaven. I never really knew what that meant and I cant exactly say what I think it means now, but so far I think it means that we need to focus on the long term- like eternal life- not just the immediate. Focus on what can I do to glorify God, not what can God give me or do for me to make my day better. In the end its not the years that make the life but the life in the years. A good friend told me to live for today and live with no regrets. For me that means, don't worry about what tomorrow will bring, and make the decisions that you feel are right (not stupidly of course) but that you won't regret tomorrow. If you go down the wrong path, God will get you where you need to go. Just trust in Him.

goodnight loves.

its been a good weekend.

sweet love

Back to school. Back to the grind. Back to reality.

Being back at school has really been a roller coaster of emotions. On one hand, I am so so so happy to be back and reunited with all of my friends-or my school family. On the other hand, I was not ready to deal with life when I got back. And thats a problem seeing that being at school, where I'm preparing for my future career and plans, is ALL about life. Such a strange world we live in. I've been thinking a lot lately--shocker, I know--about my 20 years of life. What have they been filled with? What have I gotten out of them? Who have I served with them? The list could go on and on.

The answers to these questions have not been easy pills to swallow, nor have they been clear. I'm a sophomore in college and I don't really know what I want to do with my life, much less what God wants me to do with it. I know that ultimately He has a grand plan, but right now what am I supposed to do?

A verse popped into my mind tonight when I was at church with a friend. I read this verse last semester on a retreat and it had been in my mind for a while after. But as we all know, things happen, we get busy and things cloud our minds.

The verse is Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."

What does that even mean? I can never truly be still, my heart will always be beating (for as long as I live), my mind will be thinking, my ears will be hearing, all of these involuntary actions we do everyday. But no, to be STILL and KNOW that He is God is to stop. Stop planning. Stop worrying. Just be. Just sit and think about the God of the universe. He is in control. It is Him we are here to glorify and it is Him that we are here to worship and tell everyone about. So when life gets me down, when it becomes too much, I can remember this verse. I can remember Gods power, His love, His gentleness, as well as His purpose for me. Putting that into perspective will enable me to let everything go, and not just the things that I can't control, but the things I can. All of my life, I give to you Lord.

LIfe Lately

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.
C. S. Lewis

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.
C. S. Lewis

So, over the past few weeks I've been on Christmas break and joyously been spending time at home. I absolutely love being home. There's something about this city, this house, these people, that make me feel safe, secure, and content. But the thing is, after a while, I get restless. I struggle with being TOO content, too secure, and too safe- and not in a godly way- in a selfish way. Every individual searches for adventure and I feel like college is my adventure. And don't take that the wrong way either. When i say adventure, I mean like my uncharted territory and a place for me to find myself through people and being on my own.

Well back to why I love these quotes, I found them tonight online and I just fell in love with this man's wisdom. C.S. Lewis is someone that we've all heard of and that literature admires. He is one of the only godly authors greatly recognized in the secular world. His works have multiple aspects to them. They have surface meaning and deeper meaning. These quotes are beautifully poetic. They capture the meaning of life as a whole. Life is more than just living. Its about WHO you are living for and WHAT you learn through that life. To answer who I'm living for- I'd say, God and others- I want to do my best for Him and serve others. What I've learned- hm that list is WAY too long. But I tend to learn not only from my mistakes and life experiences but from others as well. Life lessons are valuable ones.

Lately, I've really honed in on the phrase that God places people in your life at specific times for specific purposes. Its something thats hard to keep telling myself but its reassuring at the same time. His plan is greater than anything I could ever dream of.