In this time of Christmas, I am reminded that I am not enough. Nothing that I do will ever be enough and in no way can I earn place to be enough. However, there is this amazing man, depicted throughout the Bible, who was born a man and was willing to die - to be enough - for my sins.

I read John 20 last night, about the death & resurrection of Christ. It never ceases to amaze me. It seems so simply, clear cut, and easy to comprehend but really its profound! This man - the SON of GOD - chose to come & DIE for me.

Why? So I would be seen as enough.

Because Christ died for me, I am covered in the Book of Life. I am enough because God sees Jesus' death in place of my own.

Single-handedly, I will never be enough. I will fail every time. I'm human, I let people down, I screw up, I say things I shouldn't, I make mistakes. But with Christ, I can do anything.

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

I am never alone in my suffering, troubles, tribulations, rejoicing, or praising.

Christ is in me.

Thanksgiving

Be thankful, thankful for the good, fun, friends, family, and many blessings of life as well as the bad, ugly, disappointing, messy parts of life. Because what was once ugly is now beautiful, what was once a closed door is now opened, and what was once messy has been cleaned. That's the beauty of this sinful world, there's a Savior who came and died in order that we dont have to. We have been redeemed, therefore, our life here on Earth may have pitfalls and troubles, but we are promised eternity in Heaven.

Have a beautiful Thanksgiving everyone!

God bless!

pondering and wandering

In the past few days, I've been thinking a lot about trust and where I put mine.

Who do I trust? With what?

I've come to the conclusion that I haven't trusted God with much. at all.

I tend to love being in control of my own life. Isn't that awful?

I have a really hard time just letting go & giving it up to God.

In times of trouble, I tend to turn to anyone other than God. That is a BAD realization to have. Its one of those things where I really WANT to lean on the Lord but because I can't physically hear the Lord giving me the advice that I want. Well, one of my good friends posed a great question "But can't you feel him & hear him?"

**Light bulb moment** I've never thought of it that way. Who did I think gave me the people around me? Where did I think their words came from?

God. duh. He puts these people into your life, He gives them the words they say to you, He gives you the strength to move over the next hurdle.

So, I am no longer placing the majority of my trust in earthy people.

I am placing my trust in God alone. Because He is good.

you should too.

closer

The past few weeks have been full. Full of homework, classes, obligations, friends, pain, stress, love, phone calls home, disney movies, and -lets be real- sugar. But most of all, they have been full of God. The parts that I love about each of these things is that God is in them. Now, some of you may say that God is not in our pain, but really, He is the one who heals us. God is in our classes, our homework, and obligations because this is His purpose for our "right now," to get us to our future. These are all things I've been thinking about lately. How God puts us on Earth for only a short time but even shorter is the time we spend in one place/in certain circumstances. In my life, I have take for granted the fluidity of life. It is ever changing and moving, and honestly it doesn't care if you want to move with it or not. God has put us here to adapt to our environment, to thrive in the place that He has placed us, much like animals in their habitats. We are constantly adapting to our environment. Don't think that I am saying to conform to this world- because that is exactly the opposite of what I am saying. I am saying that we each have unique purposes God has given us and that in order to fulfill those purposes we must adapt and become content/able to thrive in the conditions He has placed us in. I don't know what this may look like for you, but I know that its a hard reality- we are not put on earth for our own gain or satisfaction. We were put here for the sole purpose of glorifying the Most High, whether it is in Nashville, TN, Los Angeles, or Hong Kong. No matter if we are alone or with others, single or married, old or young. We are HIS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B07iK9uh9qY&feature=related

take a deep breath and let it go.

My new mantra.

you see, letting things "go" is a very difficult thing for me to do. its one of those things where I love to be in control of what's going on in my life- i know that sounds awful. but its true. I hold onto way too much. Its my human nature. So, my new thing is to just let it go. That doesn't mean to just be lazy and leave it flailing in the wind, but just to not worry about it. Let it go and let God. Life is way way too short to not enjoy it and there can be no joy in life if you are always worried about something or someone.

Have a worry free day today:)

http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/20-uplifting-quotes-and-pieces

http://polishmycrown.wordpress.com/2011/03/24/thursday-thankful-list/

Needtobreathe-The Reckoning.

Midterms were this week. Stressful for everyone- including/not limited to/and especially me. I was to my wits end, with a lot of things, people and myself. Well, let me tell you just what got me through. The Lord. He's blessed me with people that have pushed me to seek His face in the midst of trouble. And with these people come a safety net, people i know I can count on to hold my hand and keep me up. So, here, breathe as we enter this weekend and know that God loves you. I love you. and you CAN do anything. Nothing is impossible with God on our side.

Happy fall break!

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens"

Ecclesiastes 3:1

This is just the beginning to one of my favorite passages of the Bible. One of the girls in my Bible study shared it this week as her favorite verse and it just reminded me of how much I love it. Its deep. I mean, the whole Bible is deep (lets be real) but its resonates with so many people on so many different levels. Even non-Christians will use this passage in funerals or in situations where the outcome isn't as they would have hoped. For me, this is a comforting verse. Its a reminder that life is a cycle. Just as the seasons have their own due time to come and go, so do our emotions, our successes, our failures, and our lives. We are constantly changing and life is always speeding by us quickly. This verse tells me "Hey, its ok to feel this way! its time for that! there will be times for other things. those come later. but first you have to ride out this emotion/feeling/time.

God has a beautiful way of wrecking us, I'd say. He knows just what it takes to rock the boat in such a way that we don't know if we're going to come out floating or sinking. He breaks us. To some people this will sound insane. "What? our good God will break us? No, you're wrong, He would never do that." Well how about that time you got fired? You thought your career and life were over. You had no money, no job prospects, and no future. What came out of that? A better job? with better money? with better hours? Yeah, that was part of the plan. OR how about that relationship? God would never want you to break up with them right? no, you're meant to be? Well, what happened when you broke up? You found the guy that led you to Christ in a way you thought was never possible? A guy who showed you that you deserved more than you ever could have dreamed possible? This guy you will spend the rest of your life with and could not imagine your life without.

Yeah. You have to be broken before you can be fixed. Its rough. Let me tell you. And you probably won't just be broken once. Its a continuous process of being refined. My favorite analogy of this is the one of the coal and the pressure you have to put on it in order for it to be made into a diamond. Something so beautiful, so valuable made out of something ordinarily seen as dirty and insignificant. God does this to us; He puts us under extreme pressures and circumstances that turn us into what He wants us to be.

All of this leads to why I am writing to you now. This week is a hard week for me in all aspects as a student, as a daughter, as a friend, as a loved one, as a human. I have projects and tests scheduled from now until forever (student) not to mention responsibilities that I so well intentionally signed up for but could be in over my head in some of them. I have obligations and expectations put on me by the world, my professors, and by the ones I love, for me to be the best that I can be. However, that "best" comes with a price and there is a standard "best" set. In the nations news, Steve Jobs passed away yesterday, the CEO and founder of Mac/Apple computers. His innovation has driven the world of technology for many many years and will continue to do so; he is considered the Thomas Edison of our time. But most near and dear to my heart is the loss that I am feeling today. The heartache and gap that lie within my chest every day but that is especially aching as I write this. Three years ago today my Gran was reunited with her husband and most importantly her Lord and Savior Jesus. She was removed from my physical sight and touch, but she will forever be my spirit. She looks over me and after me. I feel her presence every day. Her best friend was Jesus and I strive every moment to live like she would. I wish I could wrap my arms around her and hold her for forever. I wish I could have one last hug and one last "I love you a bushel and a peck." And I am comforted in the fact that today she is rejoicing in Heaven with God and welcoming an old friend into the kingdom of Christ.

Today, I watched a speech given by Jobs in 2005, for class. I had never heard him speak before and was astounded at his wisdom and the profound way that he was just real with his audience. In his speech he said several things that I just could not live with myself if I didn't share. His words should live on forever, along with the creations of his mind.

• Don't settle for less. You have to keep looking for what you love whether in work or lovers. Keep looking until you find it
• You can only connect the dots when looking backward, it is impossible to connect them looking forward. Have faith in something that will connect them one day.
• "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish"-- always keep yourself on your toes & alive, create and dream.
• **STOP living someone else's life and start living your own.**

(**my favorite)

Challenge: Think about what you want, where you want to go, and what you want to do. Think about who you want to be and who you will be known as. Don't settle for something less than absolutely perfect. God has a plan for you despite this time in your life.

Gran- I hope I would make you proud. I miss you ever day and cannot wait to get to heaven to be with you. You are my role model and were such an example of the godly woman I want to become. God gained such a beautiful, magnificent soul that day in 2008. I will never forget you.

Romans 8:28