Life is a constant roller coaster. One minute you are on the up hill slope, unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel, just chugging through in hopes that the ground will level out at some point in the near future so you can catch your breath. Other times, we are coasting downhill on the rush of energy, joy, and exhilaration of things going smoothly. Gravity is doing all the work, and we are just simple on lookers, enjoying the ride. At the end of the ride, we come to a jolting halt that is surprising, shocking, and abrupt. The look on our faces is joyful, smiling because you no longer remember the fear of the ride; the intense happiness and excitement trump all. This is life. Ups and downs, fear and joy, love and despair.
I have been riding all sections of the roller coaster lately. Spiritually and emotionally I have been up and down and all around. You know those twisty rides that are so fun, yet so nauseating? Thats how my life feels right now. My stomach is in knots constantly, scared of what might happen next. But, at the end of the day, I'm smiling on the outside because its fun to live in the moment and not know what to expect.
God's taught me a lot recently about seasons of life, the different parts of the roller coaster, or ride, or whatever metaphor you want to use. I've been convicted of the parts of life I haven't given Him control over, the things that I think I can do myself. I find myself saying, "Daddy, I got this!" all the time lately, when in reality - giving Him control would make the whole experience more enjoyable, more fruitful, and definitely more glorifying to Him. Just like a roller coaster ride though, if you do not trust the engineer (God) then how can you enjoy the ride? You trust by getting on a ride that the person who made it, made it safe and enjoyable to ride when you follow the rules. I haven't been following the rules of the ride lately. My hands and feet have not been inside the vehicle and at times my seat belt has been unbuckled. Dangerously, coasting in my relationship with the Lord and therefore my life.
Three weeks ago, I had a "God moment" at church. I had been struggling with why God brought me back to Birmingham. Why did God take me away from the home I had found? the family and support I had? Why wasn't I going to medical school straight out of undergrad? I had tried so hard, put in so many study hours to undergrad work and into studying for the MCAT, yet none of it was paying off in the way I thought I had invested it. But three weeks ago, God whispered into my ear a piece of truth and insight into His plan for what I see as a mess. He said, "my child, my beloved, you are here for this: to prepare yourself and strengthen your relationship with me to go out and do my work, to share the gospel through your passions. Be patient, I'm at work."
God really affirmed this through the third encounter of this truth talking to my best friend on the phone for an hour - in tears for over half of it. God has taught me so much through this friendship that is more like a sisterhood. God constantly uses the companionship we have to push both of us to be better, to love Him more, to trust Him, and to glorify Him. I see Christ in her and I hope she can see Christ through me. Christ gives self sacrificial love as a constant outpouring. She reminded me of this last night, and of the grace and mercy that Christ gives without us even asking. He has a never ending love that never fails, for wretched humans that in no way deserve a single ounce of it. HALLELUJAH. The past 5 years, God has moved mountains in our lives, and I'm thankful to have someone alongside that can help me see when He's doing His work - yet again. I might be wandering, unsure of the path ahead. I might be in knots over what the outcome might be - and I might even lose my cookies every now and then from the fear, anxiety, and worry of the ride. The NP that works with me said it best yesterday, "I worry sometimes, but when that feeling comes over me, I know who to take it to, and everything is alright." That is the faith and trust we have in the Lord of Lords and King of Kings. He can do ANYTHING and He lives in me and you.
Trust God with something small today, work up to giving Him the big things, and then give Him everything. Having no control over the outcome of your life, is the best way to live because we are but a vapor in the wind - God is the everlasting and no matter what this momentary life gives you, our eternity is sealed. hallelujah, amazing grace.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
