God has been doing a lot in my life here though. He's shown me who my real friends are and who I can count on. He has given me glimpses of my loved ones who are no longer with me on this earth, but who are praising him for eternity. I love those moments when i know that they are watching me. I wish so much that i could share my life with them and all of the things that have happened since they've been gone, but i know that somehow they know.
This is the first time in my life that I have been content. Yeah, i still have my wants and my desires for a change now and then, but for the most part (about 85% of the time) I am completely content with just living out each day and seeing what happens. I dont feel like i need a plan anymore. I know that God is going to put the pieces together and since He created the pieces, who better to lay them in place? If i heed His word and "do not worry about anything" then i'll be alright.
I havent listened to Him all summer though. In the beginning i was restless and needy. I was like the kid in the candy store that wont leave their mom alone about getting the candy bar that the mom wont let them have. I was tugging on His pants and hanging onto his legs kicking and screaming for Him to change His mind about how my summer--my life--would turn out.
Little did I know, in my human mind, that this was the way that was best. any other way and i wouldnt be the same woman i am today. i wouldnt find joy in seeing a clear sky or a bird chirping. God has truly worked in my life in the best way possible and though i didnt want it, He knew what He was doing.
I havent felt as close to God this summer as I was while i was in Nashville. and i cant put my finger on it. maybe its because of my struggles or because my friends are scattered throughout the nation. i dont really know. i all i know is that i miss feeling His presence like I did there. I think it has to do with the transition of being on my own to being home. At home i feel like all i need is my family because i'm technically not on my own any more, but really i need Him the same amount or more.
Well thats about all i've got for tonight. I'm tired and I'm going to the gym early in the morning. trying to lose weight before i go to the lake :) I cant believe that summer is halfway over. hello sophomore year!
